September 2010 Already?

We moved back to North Carolina this summer. How do I feel about it? Well, it's a little mixed I would say. I am fortunate to have friends here, I know my way around, I can have this baby in the same place our older daughter was born, and I generally know what to expect.

I really wanted to move to Hawaii, though. I've only been married to my Army Hubby for 6 years, so I am still learning that he won't necessarily be going any place exotic that I choose. In fact, based on where he's been in his career, there are probably about 3 or 4 places he is likely to go to.

So, while slightly disappointed, I know there are much worse places we could be - AND when he retires, he'll just have to take me to all the really cool and exotic places for vacation. That would be more fun, anyway!

Back in the saddle again

So I have written nothing since November. Wow, I should really be ashamed of myself. I didn't realize it until someone sent me a note via facebook that I have done little to keep anyone apprised of my life. :) Call it busy, forgetful, whatever..... A LOT has been going on in our lives the past few months.

Where to start? Well.... 2 pregnancies. One failed in February so we flew the coop and went to Disney World. I guess I assumed that since my mom had 3 kids after age 35 that it would be a breeze and a snap for me.... especially since I hit puberty so much later than everyone else I knew. Blighted Ovum. What a horrible term. Blight = diseased, run down, cursed. Poor little thing never had a chance. Once the egg fertilized, it had some chromosomal abnormality that couldn't sustain life. (and it would have been a little sister).

Now, pregnancy #2. Strangely, we have told few people and only a couple people follow my blog, so it's not like I'm jinxing us and blabbing it about. I figured that it took 4 IUI's to get pregnant last time, so I was ready to jump right back into the fire and start the process over again. I guess I thought I would have at least a couple more months to come to terms with the mis-carriage. I also figured I had time to work things out with God - since He has been so quiet in all of this. I think I know His feelings on this one, but I am still anxious.

Now, almost 6 weeks pregnant, I await the results of my hormone levels. Last week, all numbers were good - but my progesterone dropped (it's supposed to be around 20) and it went from 21.1 to 19.9. This is the same direction it went before we found out there was no baby growing last time, so I freaked out. This is blood draw #2 and we can't do an ultrasound until about 7 or 8 weeks, so I anxiously await....... probably until tomorrow to find out what is going on. (The thing about progesterone is this: it is ok above 15 - if it starts going below that, it basically indicates a pregnancy that is already lost. )

I am very thankful to be "watched" so closely by my doctor..... but even so, the process is stressful. I recognize more and more that my daughter is an absolute miracle. In fact, I realize what a miracle we all are.

whatafunk

I guess I've been in a bit of a funk lately. Not a major funk, but once I emerged even a bit the other day, a funk none the less.

I was cranky, irritable, and genuinely disinterested in just about everything.... bored, waiting for something, but who knows what. I awoke over Thanksgiving I guess. I realized that I am extremely grateful for my family - the man I married and the little girl who we get to raise. I must have realized that really she needs a lot more of my attention and when she gets it, she's a great kid..... go figure. And that man of mine, too. When he gets more of my attention, he's a much more loving person to me, too.

Amazing how a change in attitude can really impact your relationships.

Mommy Burnout

I am experiencing major mommy burn out today. and yesterday. and probably tomorrow. I am tired. my daughter isn't napping. I can do nothing except play with a 2 year old. Not that it's bad, but my brain begins turning to jello around 11 a.m. And then normally, naptime comes and I can do something like a big girl and refresh and be ok for the rest of the day. And then normally, around 6:30 daddy comes in and gives me a big person to talk to and my brain begins to re-calcify and I become an adult again. And then normally, daddy will do bath time. And that gives mommy another moment to be an adult.

October sucks for us in terms of daddy being gone. He's gone all but 7 days. Have I mentioned that he was supposed to only travel about 50% of the time? Well.... 50% turned to 75% and 75% is turning into 90%. Did I mention that this sucks? Not to be a debbi downer, but if I wanted to be a single parent, I probably could have been. And it will get better for a little bit and then we'll probably have another deployment..... and be in a foreign country where no one will be visiting us........ yeah, I guess that probably wasn't the best idea as a first choice - and there's always the fact the Army does what the Army wants with your life...... so we could end up at Ft. Riley.....

Anyway.... burned out. Need something. Just not sure what it is.

personal responsibility..... a tirade....

Ok..... so apparently people who try to do the right thing are in the minority these days. I am getting a little fed up with people who EXPECT things for FREE - like healthcare, expensive cars, nice houses, decent clothing, high paying jobs, and not have to work for them like the rest of us. Now, I agree that some things could be cheaper (like having babies is kind of expensive) BUT, if anyone thinks they NEED a 5,000 square foot house, or an Escalade or a Lexus or whatever....... I mean please.

I am only thinking about this right now because our former tenants (who until we settle in court will remain nameless and for the time being will be referred to as the "Inconsiderates") are refusing to pay for damages they made on our property. We have receipts, photos, etc. and they are trying to say that because they failed to give our property manager the correct address, that our property manager acted in poor faith because they didn't receive their deposit letter within 30 days of vacating the property. absolute BS. I know it was sent on August 14. They obviously destroyed our house and now are refusing to pay..... well..... we will go to court and we will assess a judgement against them..... and we can wait it out patiently.

But I am so sick of people who try to take advantage of others. And this guy is an Army Officer - certainly not conduct becoming an officer if you ask me.....

Missing my hubby

So.... 2 weeks ago I had to go to North Carolina to check on the rental house. Went overnight with MCR. Happened to be gone one of the nights PJR was actually home. Then, he left again. He came home on Saturday and all three of us overnighted to NC to work on the house. Then.... I left for Florida with MCR. He was gone Thursday, we all got home on Friday for a blissful 36 hours together and he's off again until late Friday. His parents come on Friday to celebrate little miss MCR's 2nd birthday and then he'll be home for a couple days. Sounds crazy, doesn't it? It's almost like having him deployed.... we were both a little sad that he had to go away again this morning as he was walking out the door..... 5 more years and maybe he'll retire and become a civilian!

On a happy note - he did make the "cut" for O6 (Lt. Colonel) and we are currently making our choices in location for a battalion command. I told him my top 3 - Italy, Hawaii and back to ft. Bragg. I don't think his top 3 are the same - probably Ft. Stewart (Savannah, GA), Ft. Bragg (North Carolina) or Ft. Lewis (Tacoma, WA). I won't know until this weekend what he's thinking since he's off on the other side of the world right now - being my hero. :)

Holy Cow....

so....toddlerhood is a busy busy time in my life. We spend our days making water balloons, going to the grocery store or Target or gymboree for play or music or Mother's Day out or on a play date or something almost every day. I wonder sometimes if we should just stay home and do nothing and enjoy it. sometimes I feel guilty because we are always on the go..... I can't even imagine how busy we'll be when she's a little older and doing more organized activities.....

On a happy note - we are officially trying for baby #2! I broke down and purchased an ovulation kit last month. Why? Well..... let's just say until this month I had no idea about my "mucus cycle" and thought I was ovulated 48 hours before I am..... anyway, with a small window of opportunity - and my husband's travel schedule.... yes, I'll be disappointed if we aren't pregnant next month - but I at least feel sort of empowered to time it correctly. As in with the little bambina - ultimately it is up to God. If he feels that we are ready for another, He'll give us one. If not, I adore the one I have and will continue to spoil the heck out of her! :)