I know, I know, OPSEC says you shouldn't post stuff online if you don't want people to know what is going on in your personal life. Well... we have a security alarm and a dog and we lock our doors when we leave, and more often than not, we forget to turn off the t.v. when we are gone, so it always looks like someone is home.

In all seriousness folks, this is the time that I have been dreading since Phil took this job. We spent Friday at the outlet mall shopping and yesterday at the aquarium and beach and in Wilmington, having a nice dinner and just enjoying what "family" time is left before he goes to the "crappiest place on Earth".

Meanwhile, to keep the kiddos and myself busy, I have lots of fun planned. First, we will NOT be going out to dinner in nice places. I don't know if I can even muster a dinner at chickfila with AGR and MCR without another set of hands. AGR wants to get up and move and since she refuses to walk, I can't justify her playing on the floor. Otherwise, I get a little monkey trying to climb on the table and out of the highchair. No fun for a prego mama.

Auntie Marlene will come visit in April, right after Easter. Then Mimi and Peepaw will come visit in May for MCR's dance recital. In June, I plan to use my friend KBW's condo and take some of the ladies to Myrtle Beach for a long weekend. Or maybe she will let us stay a whole week!

If I am feeling up to it, I plan to drive with the kids to TN, AR and NE to see family the last week in June, first week of July. Love spending the 4th in NE with all the kids - even in the chaos. After that, I think I will be too hot and pregnant to want to do much of anything besides get MCR ready for kindergarten and wait for daddy to return.

But, we will be good. I love my kiddos and have lots of fun with them. So, despite being tired, my goal is to be extra nice to both of them.

Baby Steps

Today I received a reply from my "friend". The response was a non-commital "can't deal with this right now", which in a way doesn't even matter. I never expected much, but was kind of trying to get my own "house" in order if you will.

My only goal in writing it was to of course apologize for my part so that I can let it go, and then to get the acknowledgement that it was received. That alone was enough to put my mind at ease about the whole thing. I think I am working from anger and hard heartedness to empathy, sympathy and in a way, pity. Much less emotional energy spent on these than constant upset, anger and resentment.

Objective achieved. Apology sent. Apology received. Apology not necessarily accepted, but that's ok. Any kind of relationship is up to her, but I finally feel like I've been released from the grip of the resentment........ DEEP, CLEANSING BREATH......... and onto the next thing.......

gotta check this out! Love it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSIVjjY8Ou8

2012 - a new year

So today I extended an olive branch to an old friend in hopes of repairing or at least salvaging a part of the relationship we once had. One of my goals this year is to be a little less proud and a little more forgiving, empathetic and understanding. I know this sounds like a tall order, but I think it's really a frame of mind or a state of the heart. Time to remove some of the hard, outer shell or crusty part of my heart in order to be a kinder, gentler me.

It's been a few years since I really focused on who I am and who I want to be. I've been really caught up in being someone's mom, someone's wife, someone's mentor, someone's employee. I think the last real time I made such a conscious effort was before I met and married my husband, so I'm probably a little over-due.

I haven't really talked this over with him either. He will be gone for most of the year, and I hope he returns to a less critical, more supportive friend and someone he wants to spend time with. I realize this could be perceived as a selfish motive - since he does spend an awful lot of time at work. I know part of the reason is that there is something fulfilling to him about what he does, and while I can't replicate all of that fulfilment at home, I would like to make home a more loving place for all of us.

And the conclusion that I have come to is that it will have to start with me. Just as in everything I've ever done, my heart has to be in the right place, being "fed" properly, and then what comes out my mouth will reflect that.......

Stay tuned. I also hope to spend more time writing my blog this year, so hopefully you will find some worthy tidbits this year.....

Embarking on a new journey

So I decided to start writing about our journey to deployment and through it. Now seems as good a time as any to begin. My hubby is about to return from "over there" from what I would consider a "site visit". I guess to see the terrain, get an idea of what's going on and learn and plan over the next few months as they prepare their soldiers to go.

We have this pattern before he leaves for deployments or mini-deployments or whatever. He blames it on me, and I think it's all him. He gets really moody and withdrawn, and I'm starting to think he has some grand expectations of a send off, or a romantic time or some kind of big deal made over the fact that he's leaving. But he actually distances himself by working in the yard, being alone, packing his bags, or whatever activity he can fully immerse himself in before he leaves. Which leaves me feeling slighted. And if he leaves on a Monday or Tuesday, the entire weekend is like that. And I don't like being slighted.

It's weird, but we are not the only ones who go through this. Even to the point of being almost relieved when they do finally leave, just to alleviate the tension.

We did all this right before he left. I'm not sure about how to combat it, or what. But I do know that he really does a good job of compartmentalizing me.... and I'm not a huge fan of it.

red sky at night.....

sailor's delight. There is a beautiful pink sky in front of my house tonight. the house faces south, so it's kind of odd to see such a thing from the front windows. Just beautiful, though. I think I'll go grab a beer and enjoy it. :)

Gee, I'm terrible at this

So, I got the link to blog today which reminded me how much I enjoy recording the every day events of my life. I just went back and re-read some posts from almost 2 years ago. Wow - first, there's a little more information than I should have put about fertility stuff. After going through all I did with the shots, there should have been more posts about that. And pictures. Where in the world are my pictures - oh yeah - Facebook - blog to all. Actually not a blog at all - just tiny bits and pieces of random thoughts and photos laid out for all to see. I guess if you really want to stay up on our life - Facebook.

We are looking forward to Grampa Jim and Grandma Elaine's visit today. They will be here through Monday. I'm sure they have big plans - but Phil has been in the field and out of touch all week - so we haven't made any aside from me wanting to go EAT at "A Taste of Fayetteville" tomorrow. I suppose we will probably drive to the beach on Sunday, since MCR has summer camp next week.

This last week they learned all about China; she made 2 different kinds of lanterns, had a panda parade with preschool made bamboo, made a rice plate and many other coloring/craft activities that are currently strewn about on what was, by 9 a.m. today, my clean floor.

So, if I don't blog again for another 6 months or so, it's because my days are filled with stuff like that..... picking up after little munchkins, entertaining guests, caring for AGR, MCR and PJR, and on a good day KAR! :)