Embarking on a new journey

So I decided to start writing about our journey to deployment and through it. Now seems as good a time as any to begin. My hubby is about to return from "over there" from what I would consider a "site visit". I guess to see the terrain, get an idea of what's going on and learn and plan over the next few months as they prepare their soldiers to go.

We have this pattern before he leaves for deployments or mini-deployments or whatever. He blames it on me, and I think it's all him. He gets really moody and withdrawn, and I'm starting to think he has some grand expectations of a send off, or a romantic time or some kind of big deal made over the fact that he's leaving. But he actually distances himself by working in the yard, being alone, packing his bags, or whatever activity he can fully immerse himself in before he leaves. Which leaves me feeling slighted. And if he leaves on a Monday or Tuesday, the entire weekend is like that. And I don't like being slighted.

It's weird, but we are not the only ones who go through this. Even to the point of being almost relieved when they do finally leave, just to alleviate the tension.

We did all this right before he left. I'm not sure about how to combat it, or what. But I do know that he really does a good job of compartmentalizing me.... and I'm not a huge fan of it.

red sky at night.....

sailor's delight. There is a beautiful pink sky in front of my house tonight. the house faces south, so it's kind of odd to see such a thing from the front windows. Just beautiful, though. I think I'll go grab a beer and enjoy it. :)

Gee, I'm terrible at this

So, I got the link to blog today which reminded me how much I enjoy recording the every day events of my life. I just went back and re-read some posts from almost 2 years ago. Wow - first, there's a little more information than I should have put about fertility stuff. After going through all I did with the shots, there should have been more posts about that. And pictures. Where in the world are my pictures - oh yeah - Facebook - blog to all. Actually not a blog at all - just tiny bits and pieces of random thoughts and photos laid out for all to see. I guess if you really want to stay up on our life - Facebook.

We are looking forward to Grampa Jim and Grandma Elaine's visit today. They will be here through Monday. I'm sure they have big plans - but Phil has been in the field and out of touch all week - so we haven't made any aside from me wanting to go EAT at "A Taste of Fayetteville" tomorrow. I suppose we will probably drive to the beach on Sunday, since MCR has summer camp next week.

This last week they learned all about China; she made 2 different kinds of lanterns, had a panda parade with preschool made bamboo, made a rice plate and many other coloring/craft activities that are currently strewn about on what was, by 9 a.m. today, my clean floor.

So, if I don't blog again for another 6 months or so, it's because my days are filled with stuff like that..... picking up after little munchkins, entertaining guests, caring for AGR, MCR and PJR, and on a good day KAR! :)

September 2010 Already?

We moved back to North Carolina this summer. How do I feel about it? Well, it's a little mixed I would say. I am fortunate to have friends here, I know my way around, I can have this baby in the same place our older daughter was born, and I generally know what to expect.

I really wanted to move to Hawaii, though. I've only been married to my Army Hubby for 6 years, so I am still learning that he won't necessarily be going any place exotic that I choose. In fact, based on where he's been in his career, there are probably about 3 or 4 places he is likely to go to.

So, while slightly disappointed, I know there are much worse places we could be - AND when he retires, he'll just have to take me to all the really cool and exotic places for vacation. That would be more fun, anyway!

Back in the saddle again

So I have written nothing since November. Wow, I should really be ashamed of myself. I didn't realize it until someone sent me a note via facebook that I have done little to keep anyone apprised of my life. :) Call it busy, forgetful, whatever..... A LOT has been going on in our lives the past few months.

Where to start? Well.... 2 pregnancies. One failed in February so we flew the coop and went to Disney World. I guess I assumed that since my mom had 3 kids after age 35 that it would be a breeze and a snap for me.... especially since I hit puberty so much later than everyone else I knew. Blighted Ovum. What a horrible term. Blight = diseased, run down, cursed. Poor little thing never had a chance. Once the egg fertilized, it had some chromosomal abnormality that couldn't sustain life. (and it would have been a little sister).

Now, pregnancy #2. Strangely, we have told few people and only a couple people follow my blog, so it's not like I'm jinxing us and blabbing it about. I figured that it took 4 IUI's to get pregnant last time, so I was ready to jump right back into the fire and start the process over again. I guess I thought I would have at least a couple more months to come to terms with the mis-carriage. I also figured I had time to work things out with God - since He has been so quiet in all of this. I think I know His feelings on this one, but I am still anxious.

Now, almost 6 weeks pregnant, I await the results of my hormone levels. Last week, all numbers were good - but my progesterone dropped (it's supposed to be around 20) and it went from 21.1 to 19.9. This is the same direction it went before we found out there was no baby growing last time, so I freaked out. This is blood draw #2 and we can't do an ultrasound until about 7 or 8 weeks, so I anxiously await....... probably until tomorrow to find out what is going on. (The thing about progesterone is this: it is ok above 15 - if it starts going below that, it basically indicates a pregnancy that is already lost. )

I am very thankful to be "watched" so closely by my doctor..... but even so, the process is stressful. I recognize more and more that my daughter is an absolute miracle. In fact, I realize what a miracle we all are.

whatafunk

I guess I've been in a bit of a funk lately. Not a major funk, but once I emerged even a bit the other day, a funk none the less.

I was cranky, irritable, and genuinely disinterested in just about everything.... bored, waiting for something, but who knows what. I awoke over Thanksgiving I guess. I realized that I am extremely grateful for my family - the man I married and the little girl who we get to raise. I must have realized that really she needs a lot more of my attention and when she gets it, she's a great kid..... go figure. And that man of mine, too. When he gets more of my attention, he's a much more loving person to me, too.

Amazing how a change in attitude can really impact your relationships.

Mommy Burnout

I am experiencing major mommy burn out today. and yesterday. and probably tomorrow. I am tired. my daughter isn't napping. I can do nothing except play with a 2 year old. Not that it's bad, but my brain begins turning to jello around 11 a.m. And then normally, naptime comes and I can do something like a big girl and refresh and be ok for the rest of the day. And then normally, around 6:30 daddy comes in and gives me a big person to talk to and my brain begins to re-calcify and I become an adult again. And then normally, daddy will do bath time. And that gives mommy another moment to be an adult.

October sucks for us in terms of daddy being gone. He's gone all but 7 days. Have I mentioned that he was supposed to only travel about 50% of the time? Well.... 50% turned to 75% and 75% is turning into 90%. Did I mention that this sucks? Not to be a debbi downer, but if I wanted to be a single parent, I probably could have been. And it will get better for a little bit and then we'll probably have another deployment..... and be in a foreign country where no one will be visiting us........ yeah, I guess that probably wasn't the best idea as a first choice - and there's always the fact the Army does what the Army wants with your life...... so we could end up at Ft. Riley.....

Anyway.... burned out. Need something. Just not sure what it is.