Spring!

Yesterday I went to the toy store simply for the sake of buying my kids some toys. I don't really ever buy them toys just because. AGR got a toddler sized Thomas roundhouse section and a singing Elmo. MCR got a strawberry shortcake pool and a princess kite.

Tonight, the ladies in our BN are having a coffee - we are playing bunco - what fun! Should be a good time!

Busy Couple Days

No post Monday - I simply ran out of day. I guess that's a good thing the first whole month of this craziness.

We had a "surprise" birthday dinner for one of our friends who turned 40. And she was pleasantly surprised. I was so thankful that she didn't suspect anything when I told her all of our friends were busy. It was a nice evening. Til I got home and the baby woke up at 9 p.m. and was still talking/playing in her crib when I finally put myself to bed at 11:30. 11:30 is not a good "pregnant woman" bedtime, so needless to say, I didn't sleep near long enough last night.

Today we finally got our tax return. I love the new balance in the savings account and can't wait to add to it soon. The chimney sweepers came and cleaned out the chimney - I was hoping they would get/remove a wasps nest, but there was nothing up there and later in the day, we got a wasp. (insert huge groan right here)

So, I called a handyman who is also a firefighter. I hope that he will be able to get up there and at least spray the stupid things out. I am kind of frustrated by the whole thing.....

Its been a quiet day from the hubby. I got one email, so I expect that we are going into a low communication period. Sounds ok to me - I've been so busy and tired, I wouldn't have the energy for him anyway......

until tomorrow. be well.

Boots on the Ground

Well, they made it. They are at their location and almost final destination. I think after a couple days of training, they will start to take over their space and be ready to patrol.

I am a little concerned with the general feeling toward Americans right now. Not that we've ever been popular, but I find it so crazy that people have such an easy time killing each other and hurting each other over religious differences.

I guess it gives me a little more perspective on the freedoms we as Americans enjoy. Whether or not someone agrees with my religion or how I practice it, I don't fear death because of it. Nor would I feel like imposing a death penalty on someone who burns a bible, or even someone who reminds me of the person who did it.

There are things in this life I will never understand. Jesus said to love one another. While it's hard to love some people the way He intended when he said that, I certainly have a much harder time hating them..... I just don't understand it.

Trying to stay busy.....

Only leads to falling asleep on the couch at 8 p.m.


The girls and I had a very busy day today. We started at KrispyKreme getting yummy donuts and milk and coffee and then heading over to Monkey Joe's - where both girls jumped their buns off on all the inflatables. You would never know that AGR was only 15 months old, aside from her size and the fact that she doesn't walk yet. She got kicked and pushed and jumped on and didn't whine a bit until we were in the car heading home.

The best part about this morning was, not only did it give us a nice way to pass time on the slowest, loneliest day of the weekend (and whole week for that matter), but it also gave us time to spend with friends and their kids and give them stuff to look forward to, and do, too. So, we all win!


After several attempts at trying to put AGR down for an actual nap, and not the 15 minute snooze in the car, I gave up and decided to take a short trip to the mall. I checked my phone and MCR got an invitation to go play with a young lady up the street for a bit. Perfect timing - since she had ZERO desire to go to the mall.


Everyone went to bed by 7:30 tonight - and the second I sat down to watch a minute of t.v. I woke up and realized I should not fall asleep with the fireplace going. (Yesterday we had 8 wasps come in, through the chimney I believe, so today I opted to burn the little bastards out of their homes.)


Maybe tomorrow I will focus on cleaning the house.

48 Hours

So, aside from being a little sad, our first couple days have kind of been business as usual around here. Yesterday the weather was gorgeous, so we took the opportunity to go for a short walk up the steep hill in our neighborhood. Then the girls played in all the toys in the garage (and got filthy in the process) while I tried my best to tidy it up a little. ha - tidying with two little tornadoes is really fun - you ought to try it.

My most challenging moment was when I asked MCR to please help me pick up the toys she took out and she politely said, "no thank you". :) I guess still we have some work to do in this department.

I also spent about an hour raking the dead stuff and pulling weeds from our little garden plot. I am always amazed that we can keep a palm tree and a huge, beautiful hydrangea growing there. I don't plan to do a lot of weeding this summer, so I put a good healthy coat of pre-emergent weed control stuff down, too. I'm not sure what veggies to put there, since it's only partial sunlight, but I'm sure I can get SOMETHING to grow.

Speaking of tornadoes, today has been kind of a crazy weather day for us. Thankfully it all looks like it is happening south and east of us, but I can't help but think about all the rough weather we've been through. For whatever reason, I am always alone with my kids freaking out when the weather is like this. Last April, a tornado passed 1/10 of a mile to our west and of course Phil was stuck on the other side of the damage until 10 p.m. that night.

I guess AGR has decided to start working on saying actual words now. Yesterday she managed "CA" which means car. Today, "poof" which means poop. Her new favorite though, is "mama". And not just "mama". But, "mama. mama. mama. mama. mama." And yesterday, she finally did the "stand up without holding onto a piece of furniture" bit for about 3 seconds. I just know she will be walking in no time.

Today's challenge with MCR is that she is having a real hard time following directions and I think she is sensing that in dad's absence, maybe she should push my boundaries. Awesome. :) This too will pass. I just need to be really, really, really consisent with praise and discipline. yeah, me. Single parenting is not for wimps.

I know, I know, OPSEC says you shouldn't post stuff online if you don't want people to know what is going on in your personal life. Well... we have a security alarm and a dog and we lock our doors when we leave, and more often than not, we forget to turn off the t.v. when we are gone, so it always looks like someone is home.

In all seriousness folks, this is the time that I have been dreading since Phil took this job. We spent Friday at the outlet mall shopping and yesterday at the aquarium and beach and in Wilmington, having a nice dinner and just enjoying what "family" time is left before he goes to the "crappiest place on Earth".

Meanwhile, to keep the kiddos and myself busy, I have lots of fun planned. First, we will NOT be going out to dinner in nice places. I don't know if I can even muster a dinner at chickfila with AGR and MCR without another set of hands. AGR wants to get up and move and since she refuses to walk, I can't justify her playing on the floor. Otherwise, I get a little monkey trying to climb on the table and out of the highchair. No fun for a prego mama.

Auntie Marlene will come visit in April, right after Easter. Then Mimi and Peepaw will come visit in May for MCR's dance recital. In June, I plan to use my friend KBW's condo and take some of the ladies to Myrtle Beach for a long weekend. Or maybe she will let us stay a whole week!

If I am feeling up to it, I plan to drive with the kids to TN, AR and NE to see family the last week in June, first week of July. Love spending the 4th in NE with all the kids - even in the chaos. After that, I think I will be too hot and pregnant to want to do much of anything besides get MCR ready for kindergarten and wait for daddy to return.

But, we will be good. I love my kiddos and have lots of fun with them. So, despite being tired, my goal is to be extra nice to both of them.

Baby Steps

Today I received a reply from my "friend". The response was a non-commital "can't deal with this right now", which in a way doesn't even matter. I never expected much, but was kind of trying to get my own "house" in order if you will.

My only goal in writing it was to of course apologize for my part so that I can let it go, and then to get the acknowledgement that it was received. That alone was enough to put my mind at ease about the whole thing. I think I am working from anger and hard heartedness to empathy, sympathy and in a way, pity. Much less emotional energy spent on these than constant upset, anger and resentment.

Objective achieved. Apology sent. Apology received. Apology not necessarily accepted, but that's ok. Any kind of relationship is up to her, but I finally feel like I've been released from the grip of the resentment........ DEEP, CLEANSING BREATH......... and onto the next thing.......

gotta check this out! Love it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSIVjjY8Ou8

2012 - a new year

So today I extended an olive branch to an old friend in hopes of repairing or at least salvaging a part of the relationship we once had. One of my goals this year is to be a little less proud and a little more forgiving, empathetic and understanding. I know this sounds like a tall order, but I think it's really a frame of mind or a state of the heart. Time to remove some of the hard, outer shell or crusty part of my heart in order to be a kinder, gentler me.

It's been a few years since I really focused on who I am and who I want to be. I've been really caught up in being someone's mom, someone's wife, someone's mentor, someone's employee. I think the last real time I made such a conscious effort was before I met and married my husband, so I'm probably a little over-due.

I haven't really talked this over with him either. He will be gone for most of the year, and I hope he returns to a less critical, more supportive friend and someone he wants to spend time with. I realize this could be perceived as a selfish motive - since he does spend an awful lot of time at work. I know part of the reason is that there is something fulfilling to him about what he does, and while I can't replicate all of that fulfilment at home, I would like to make home a more loving place for all of us.

And the conclusion that I have come to is that it will have to start with me. Just as in everything I've ever done, my heart has to be in the right place, being "fed" properly, and then what comes out my mouth will reflect that.......

Stay tuned. I also hope to spend more time writing my blog this year, so hopefully you will find some worthy tidbits this year.....

Embarking on a new journey

So I decided to start writing about our journey to deployment and through it. Now seems as good a time as any to begin. My hubby is about to return from "over there" from what I would consider a "site visit". I guess to see the terrain, get an idea of what's going on and learn and plan over the next few months as they prepare their soldiers to go.

We have this pattern before he leaves for deployments or mini-deployments or whatever. He blames it on me, and I think it's all him. He gets really moody and withdrawn, and I'm starting to think he has some grand expectations of a send off, or a romantic time or some kind of big deal made over the fact that he's leaving. But he actually distances himself by working in the yard, being alone, packing his bags, or whatever activity he can fully immerse himself in before he leaves. Which leaves me feeling slighted. And if he leaves on a Monday or Tuesday, the entire weekend is like that. And I don't like being slighted.

It's weird, but we are not the only ones who go through this. Even to the point of being almost relieved when they do finally leave, just to alleviate the tension.

We did all this right before he left. I'm not sure about how to combat it, or what. But I do know that he really does a good job of compartmentalizing me.... and I'm not a huge fan of it.

red sky at night.....

sailor's delight. There is a beautiful pink sky in front of my house tonight. the house faces south, so it's kind of odd to see such a thing from the front windows. Just beautiful, though. I think I'll go grab a beer and enjoy it. :)

Gee, I'm terrible at this

So, I got the link to blog today which reminded me how much I enjoy recording the every day events of my life. I just went back and re-read some posts from almost 2 years ago. Wow - first, there's a little more information than I should have put about fertility stuff. After going through all I did with the shots, there should have been more posts about that. And pictures. Where in the world are my pictures - oh yeah - Facebook - blog to all. Actually not a blog at all - just tiny bits and pieces of random thoughts and photos laid out for all to see. I guess if you really want to stay up on our life - Facebook.

We are looking forward to Grampa Jim and Grandma Elaine's visit today. They will be here through Monday. I'm sure they have big plans - but Phil has been in the field and out of touch all week - so we haven't made any aside from me wanting to go EAT at "A Taste of Fayetteville" tomorrow. I suppose we will probably drive to the beach on Sunday, since MCR has summer camp next week.

This last week they learned all about China; she made 2 different kinds of lanterns, had a panda parade with preschool made bamboo, made a rice plate and many other coloring/craft activities that are currently strewn about on what was, by 9 a.m. today, my clean floor.

So, if I don't blog again for another 6 months or so, it's because my days are filled with stuff like that..... picking up after little munchkins, entertaining guests, caring for AGR, MCR and PJR, and on a good day KAR! :)

September 2010 Already?

We moved back to North Carolina this summer. How do I feel about it? Well, it's a little mixed I would say. I am fortunate to have friends here, I know my way around, I can have this baby in the same place our older daughter was born, and I generally know what to expect.

I really wanted to move to Hawaii, though. I've only been married to my Army Hubby for 6 years, so I am still learning that he won't necessarily be going any place exotic that I choose. In fact, based on where he's been in his career, there are probably about 3 or 4 places he is likely to go to.

So, while slightly disappointed, I know there are much worse places we could be - AND when he retires, he'll just have to take me to all the really cool and exotic places for vacation. That would be more fun, anyway!

Back in the saddle again

So I have written nothing since November. Wow, I should really be ashamed of myself. I didn't realize it until someone sent me a note via facebook that I have done little to keep anyone apprised of my life. :) Call it busy, forgetful, whatever..... A LOT has been going on in our lives the past few months.

Where to start? Well.... 2 pregnancies. One failed in February so we flew the coop and went to Disney World. I guess I assumed that since my mom had 3 kids after age 35 that it would be a breeze and a snap for me.... especially since I hit puberty so much later than everyone else I knew. Blighted Ovum. What a horrible term. Blight = diseased, run down, cursed. Poor little thing never had a chance. Once the egg fertilized, it had some chromosomal abnormality that couldn't sustain life. (and it would have been a little sister).

Now, pregnancy #2. Strangely, we have told few people and only a couple people follow my blog, so it's not like I'm jinxing us and blabbing it about. I figured that it took 4 IUI's to get pregnant last time, so I was ready to jump right back into the fire and start the process over again. I guess I thought I would have at least a couple more months to come to terms with the mis-carriage. I also figured I had time to work things out with God - since He has been so quiet in all of this. I think I know His feelings on this one, but I am still anxious.

Now, almost 6 weeks pregnant, I await the results of my hormone levels. Last week, all numbers were good - but my progesterone dropped (it's supposed to be around 20) and it went from 21.1 to 19.9. This is the same direction it went before we found out there was no baby growing last time, so I freaked out. This is blood draw #2 and we can't do an ultrasound until about 7 or 8 weeks, so I anxiously await....... probably until tomorrow to find out what is going on. (The thing about progesterone is this: it is ok above 15 - if it starts going below that, it basically indicates a pregnancy that is already lost. )

I am very thankful to be "watched" so closely by my doctor..... but even so, the process is stressful. I recognize more and more that my daughter is an absolute miracle. In fact, I realize what a miracle we all are.

whatafunk

I guess I've been in a bit of a funk lately. Not a major funk, but once I emerged even a bit the other day, a funk none the less.

I was cranky, irritable, and genuinely disinterested in just about everything.... bored, waiting for something, but who knows what. I awoke over Thanksgiving I guess. I realized that I am extremely grateful for my family - the man I married and the little girl who we get to raise. I must have realized that really she needs a lot more of my attention and when she gets it, she's a great kid..... go figure. And that man of mine, too. When he gets more of my attention, he's a much more loving person to me, too.

Amazing how a change in attitude can really impact your relationships.

Mommy Burnout

I am experiencing major mommy burn out today. and yesterday. and probably tomorrow. I am tired. my daughter isn't napping. I can do nothing except play with a 2 year old. Not that it's bad, but my brain begins turning to jello around 11 a.m. And then normally, naptime comes and I can do something like a big girl and refresh and be ok for the rest of the day. And then normally, around 6:30 daddy comes in and gives me a big person to talk to and my brain begins to re-calcify and I become an adult again. And then normally, daddy will do bath time. And that gives mommy another moment to be an adult.

October sucks for us in terms of daddy being gone. He's gone all but 7 days. Have I mentioned that he was supposed to only travel about 50% of the time? Well.... 50% turned to 75% and 75% is turning into 90%. Did I mention that this sucks? Not to be a debbi downer, but if I wanted to be a single parent, I probably could have been. And it will get better for a little bit and then we'll probably have another deployment..... and be in a foreign country where no one will be visiting us........ yeah, I guess that probably wasn't the best idea as a first choice - and there's always the fact the Army does what the Army wants with your life...... so we could end up at Ft. Riley.....

Anyway.... burned out. Need something. Just not sure what it is.

personal responsibility..... a tirade....

Ok..... so apparently people who try to do the right thing are in the minority these days. I am getting a little fed up with people who EXPECT things for FREE - like healthcare, expensive cars, nice houses, decent clothing, high paying jobs, and not have to work for them like the rest of us. Now, I agree that some things could be cheaper (like having babies is kind of expensive) BUT, if anyone thinks they NEED a 5,000 square foot house, or an Escalade or a Lexus or whatever....... I mean please.

I am only thinking about this right now because our former tenants (who until we settle in court will remain nameless and for the time being will be referred to as the "Inconsiderates") are refusing to pay for damages they made on our property. We have receipts, photos, etc. and they are trying to say that because they failed to give our property manager the correct address, that our property manager acted in poor faith because they didn't receive their deposit letter within 30 days of vacating the property. absolute BS. I know it was sent on August 14. They obviously destroyed our house and now are refusing to pay..... well..... we will go to court and we will assess a judgement against them..... and we can wait it out patiently.

But I am so sick of people who try to take advantage of others. And this guy is an Army Officer - certainly not conduct becoming an officer if you ask me.....

Missing my hubby

So.... 2 weeks ago I had to go to North Carolina to check on the rental house. Went overnight with MCR. Happened to be gone one of the nights PJR was actually home. Then, he left again. He came home on Saturday and all three of us overnighted to NC to work on the house. Then.... I left for Florida with MCR. He was gone Thursday, we all got home on Friday for a blissful 36 hours together and he's off again until late Friday. His parents come on Friday to celebrate little miss MCR's 2nd birthday and then he'll be home for a couple days. Sounds crazy, doesn't it? It's almost like having him deployed.... we were both a little sad that he had to go away again this morning as he was walking out the door..... 5 more years and maybe he'll retire and become a civilian!

On a happy note - he did make the "cut" for O6 (Lt. Colonel) and we are currently making our choices in location for a battalion command. I told him my top 3 - Italy, Hawaii and back to ft. Bragg. I don't think his top 3 are the same - probably Ft. Stewart (Savannah, GA), Ft. Bragg (North Carolina) or Ft. Lewis (Tacoma, WA). I won't know until this weekend what he's thinking since he's off on the other side of the world right now - being my hero. :)

Holy Cow....

so....toddlerhood is a busy busy time in my life. We spend our days making water balloons, going to the grocery store or Target or gymboree for play or music or Mother's Day out or on a play date or something almost every day. I wonder sometimes if we should just stay home and do nothing and enjoy it. sometimes I feel guilty because we are always on the go..... I can't even imagine how busy we'll be when she's a little older and doing more organized activities.....

On a happy note - we are officially trying for baby #2! I broke down and purchased an ovulation kit last month. Why? Well..... let's just say until this month I had no idea about my "mucus cycle" and thought I was ovulated 48 hours before I am..... anyway, with a small window of opportunity - and my husband's travel schedule.... yes, I'll be disappointed if we aren't pregnant next month - but I at least feel sort of empowered to time it correctly. As in with the little bambina - ultimately it is up to God. If he feels that we are ready for another, He'll give us one. If not, I adore the one I have and will continue to spoil the heck out of her! :)

MAJOR Inspiration

So, I've spent inordinate amounts of time recently "catching up" with my friends on Facebook. Can I just say that reading about them, seeing pictures, etc. makes me wonder where the time has gone.....

Someone posted a picture of me from I guess middle school, I was making faces at the camera with another girl who I probably haven't seen since.

More to come, I think I can find a picture of elementary school to scan in and upload....