Today I received a reply from my "friend". The response was a non-commital "can't deal with this right now", which in a way doesn't even matter. I never expected much, but was kind of trying to get my own "house" in order if you will.
My only goal in writing it was to of course apologize for my part so that I can let it go, and then to get the acknowledgement that it was received. That alone was enough to put my mind at ease about the whole thing. I think I am working from anger and hard heartedness to empathy, sympathy and in a way, pity. Much less emotional energy spent on these than constant upset, anger and resentment.
Objective achieved. Apology sent. Apology received. Apology not necessarily accepted, but that's ok. Any kind of relationship is up to her, but I finally feel like I've been released from the grip of the resentment........ DEEP, CLEANSING BREATH......... and onto the next thing.......
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
Sunday, January 1, 2012
2012 - a new year
So today I extended an olive branch to an old friend in hopes of repairing or at least salvaging a part of the relationship we once had. One of my goals this year is to be a little less proud and a little more forgiving, empathetic and understanding. I know this sounds like a tall order, but I think it's really a frame of mind or a state of the heart. Time to remove some of the hard, outer shell or crusty part of my heart in order to be a kinder, gentler me.
It's been a few years since I really focused on who I am and who I want to be. I've been really caught up in being someone's mom, someone's wife, someone's mentor, someone's employee. I think the last real time I made such a conscious effort was before I met and married my husband, so I'm probably a little over-due.
I haven't really talked this over with him either. He will be gone for most of the year, and I hope he returns to a less critical, more supportive friend and someone he wants to spend time with. I realize this could be perceived as a selfish motive - since he does spend an awful lot of time at work. I know part of the reason is that there is something fulfilling to him about what he does, and while I can't replicate all of that fulfilment at home, I would like to make home a more loving place for all of us.
And the conclusion that I have come to is that it will have to start with me. Just as in everything I've ever done, my heart has to be in the right place, being "fed" properly, and then what comes out my mouth will reflect that.......
Stay tuned. I also hope to spend more time writing my blog this year, so hopefully you will find some worthy tidbits this year.....
It's been a few years since I really focused on who I am and who I want to be. I've been really caught up in being someone's mom, someone's wife, someone's mentor, someone's employee. I think the last real time I made such a conscious effort was before I met and married my husband, so I'm probably a little over-due.
I haven't really talked this over with him either. He will be gone for most of the year, and I hope he returns to a less critical, more supportive friend and someone he wants to spend time with. I realize this could be perceived as a selfish motive - since he does spend an awful lot of time at work. I know part of the reason is that there is something fulfilling to him about what he does, and while I can't replicate all of that fulfilment at home, I would like to make home a more loving place for all of us.
And the conclusion that I have come to is that it will have to start with me. Just as in everything I've ever done, my heart has to be in the right place, being "fed" properly, and then what comes out my mouth will reflect that.......
Stay tuned. I also hope to spend more time writing my blog this year, so hopefully you will find some worthy tidbits this year.....
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